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With One Headlight

Nov. 29th, 2010 | 12:47 pm

I have equated writing before to "driving at night with your headlights on." Some of you might ask if there is any other way to drive at night. If that's you, you're missing the point.

"So what is the point?" you ask. "You can't just say something stupid like that and expect everybody to jump to the conclusion you're trying to make with your inane metaphors."

Jesus, calm down. I'll tell you what my point is. My point is that when driving at night, you can only see as far as your headlights let you. You can only see maybe twenty feet in front of you at any given time, and it's a little unnerving to me to think of things which might be out there that I can't see. Things in the road that could total my car. Sharp turns, road blocks, Bigfoot, the greasy smears of roadkill left by previous vehicles, sudden drop offs with no safety rail, "Dead End" signs, "No Outlet" signs, "Avalanche Area Next 400 Feet" signs. Scary things that I could run into at any moment, and probably would if it weren't for my headlights.

I might be able to see only a little ways ahead of me, but my headlights let me see all this scary shit in enough time to avoid it. So, even if you can only see twenty feet in front of you, you can make the whole trip that way.

Writing's a lot like that.

When I started my NaNo novel, it was late afternoon and the sun was high enough in the sky that I could see perfectly all around me. I didn't need my headlights yet. But now I'm at that point in my novel where the sun has set and it's fully dark. I've turned my headlights on, but one of them is burnt out and the other one is sort of flickering at irregular intervals, and I'm afraid it's going to go out completely. I'm so afraid of it, in fact, that I have caught myself riding the brake. I'm barely moving. I could get out and walk faster than this.

But I don't want to stop completely. I have a destination and I want to get there. I'll be way late, and I certainly won't get there by November 30, but I'll get there. I'm just hoping that by the time I get there, it'll be morning and I'll be able to see again.

For now, I'm making like the Wallflowers. I can drive it home with one headlight.


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It's always darkest right before it goes pitch black.

Oct. 11th, 2010 | 04:43 am
location: currently without state
mood: sadsad

well... i have until November 1st to find a job here in Juneau, or i have to take what little money i still have and head back down south.  only thing is, i don't have the money to get all the way back to Oklahoma, so i'll be going to stay with my aunt in Ellensburg, Washington.  i asked her, and she was kind enough to take pity on me.  knowing this... i've sort of just lots any and all desire to even look for a job here.  knowing that i'm making my housemates miserable just by being here tends to do things to one's self worth.

i applied for an art studio assistant position, and i would absolutely LOVE to have this job.  it's like... my dream job.  it's at an art studio called The Canvas (www.canvasarts.org/) and it's part of REACH (www.reachak.org/).  they work with children, adults and families with developmental delays or disabilities.  Marty actually brought the flier and an application home for me.  i filled it out that night and gave it to her to turn in the next day.  it's been over a week and i haven't heard back, despite calling them once.  i'll call again, but i don't know if i should even bother to keep my hopes up.  

the thing is, Ellensburg is even smaller than Juneau.  Juneau has about 30,000 people.  Ellensburg is about half that size.  i really don't hold out that if i can't find a job in Juneau that i'll be able to find a job in Ellensburg. 

it's also getting too late in the year to drive back down south.  most of the services along the Alaska Highway close in mid-October, which is... yanno.  now.  and the road conditions start getting iffy.  so, i'll have to take the ferry to Bellingham, WA, which is just south of Vancouver.  it's a three day ferry ride, and will cost me well over a thousand bucks.  Marty wants help pay for my fare, since she feels responsible for bringing me up here.  i told her i didn't want to take any more money from her that i couldn't repay, but she insisted.  i already can't pay her the rent for this month if i want to have money to leave. 

this is both of our faults.  we didn't talk about a lot of things we should have, and she didn't bring up a lot of concerns she had before i even got here.  we both just bumbled into this with blind optimism and look where it got us.  look where it got me.  -__- christ.

at least i won't be alone for Thanksgiving.

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writing blog

Sep. 30th, 2010 | 04:28 pm

My new writing blog: dustybookworm.blogspot.com 

news specifically related to my writing. 

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Kind of a let down.

Aug. 3rd, 2010 | 03:01 am

so.  things aren't working out exactly as i'd hoped.  i remember when i was planning this move, i was so excited!  i couldn't wait to start this new chapter of my life.  i was so positive that nothing but good things awaited me in Alaska.  it seemed so perfectly timed and that everything was falling into place just so.  i was so sure that things would be better here for me than at home. 

*tap tap* 

Me: Eh? 

Rude Awakening:  Yo, what's up.

i don't even know where to start.  i've written about my horrendous job before.  the specifics on the horror have not really changed, but rather grown, mutated, and sprouted extra appendages with which they tentacle rape me every time i clock in.  i don't feel like getting into it.  i bitch about work enough with co-workers while i'm on the clock that it almost feels like another job duty, and when i'm off the clock, i just don't even want to think about it. 

let me just say i envy the drivers who don't need this job.

my living situation is not what i thought it would be, either.  this is not my fault, nor is it really anyone else's.  it's the result of a massive failure in communication.  so actually, maybe it's everyone's fault. 

i remember the conversation i had with my friend Marty last fall when we hatched this plan.  i was complaining about my living situation and my job and everything that was making me miserable in Oklahoma.  and out of the blue, she offered to let me come stay with her.  when i realized she was serious, i told her i would sleep on it.  i did, and i spoke to my mom about it, and by the next evening, i was so smitten with the idea that i could not wait to log onto AIM to tell her that i wanted to accept. 

the planning process and the details are all very long and boring, and i won't bother writing about them.  but in short, i sold almost everything i own to help myself get up here.  all my furniture, a whole lot of my stuff.  everything i own now fits in the back of my pick up truck into six large Rubbermaid tubs.  i kept my clothes, my books/DVDs, my lap top, and some other various things that i couldn't bring myself to sell.  i didn't mind doing this, and was even excited about purging all this STUFF, because i thought that moving in with Marty and her girlfriend would be awesome.

at first, i had thought we would all be living in a tiny apartment together, and that had been awesome enough for me.  then Marty revealed she was going to be buying her first house, and i would be able to live in it with them.  awesomer. 

--as i'm trying to write this, i'm getting lost.  i don't know how to tell this story, really.  i can only tell it from my side, which is harder than writing fiction and knowing every angle of a story because i'm making it up. 

rather than try to tell it like a story, because i'm too tired to bother, i'll just lay out the facts and i know them.

J (Marty's g/f) and i do not get along very well.  it's not her fault and it's not mine.  our personalities just clash.  i've never really met someone with whom i simply did not get along for no particular reason, and it was very hard for me to come to terms with the concept that someone just might not like me just because our personalities are too different.  J is very blunt, very brusque, and i'm very sensitive and non-confrontational.  J does not do much of anything to act nice toward me the way i tried for so long to do for her.  i tried my damnedest to ease the tension between us by being extra nice.  i was as thoughtful and respectful of her and her home as i knew how to be, and still, the tension between us just mounted.  it made me very upset, and i cried about it on more than one occasion because i simply did not understand why we she couldn't at least be cordial to me when i was trying so fucking hard to be a courteous and obliging roommate. 

i began to suspect early on that she did not actually want me here.  i wondered for a long time if it was because she might be jealous of my friendship with Marty.  Marty and i talk every day on AIM, and yes, even now that we live in the same house, that's still how we communicate.  mostly because i don't feel welcome sitting out in the living room or anywhere else but the bedroom i currently rent from them.  Marty and i share interests that J does not share, and it gives the two of us a unique bond that J is not a part of.  i wondered for a long time if that was the reason J did not like me, because i had this thing i could share with Marty that she was apart from. 

before coming up here, i'd had illusions that Marty and i would actually get to hang out together in person.  not all the time, but from time to time.  that she and i would have lunch some days, and we could enjoy talking in person about things we'd only gotten to discuss over AIM before.  that wasn't the case.  any time Marty and i went out, J came along, too, and i am not a mean enough person to object.  even when Marty invited her along to my birthday party, and they invited J's sister as well.  and that made NO sense.  J's sister is 16 years old.  my birthday party was going to be at a restaurant downtown, and we live about 20 minutes away.  after dinner, we had plans to go to a bar near the restaurant.  so after dinner, we had to take J's sister home before we could go to the bar.  i was feeling tired and irritated by that time, and i didn't want to drive all the way back downtown after that, so we ended up going to a much lamer bar out in the Valley where we live... i've gone off on a tangent.  sorry about that.

to get to the point, i rarely get to hang out with Marty alone, and i feel like i can't even talk to her when J is in the room.  J's presence is so overwhelming and oppressive to me, and i yield to her instinctively because of that non-confrontational characteristic i mentioned. 

on that note, it wasn't until later when someone pointed it out to me that i realized J might not dislike me, but rather... she just might not respect me, which in my opinion is even worse.  i would rather be disliked than disrespected.  but apparently, in the world of J, nice is not rewarded with respect.  in my world, people start with a measure of neutral respect.  then according to their behavior, my respect for them goes up or down or remains the same.  but either way, when i meet someone for the first time, i have respect for them.  the way it seems to be in J's world, when she meets you, you start at zero, and you have to earn any respect before she'll give it to you.  and apparently, you can't earn it by being amiable.  once again, the way our brains seem to operate are just too different.  i don't get her.

as miserable as it is for me, and as miserable as it must be for J, i feel the worst for Marty, who is stuck in the middle.  J is her girlfriend, and she loves her.  i am her friend, and she loves me.  Marty is even less confrontational than i am, and she is a genuinely kind person, and while certain events have tarnished her life, her heart is still full of kindness and caring and sympathy for people.  why else would she have offered her home to me when i was so miserable in Oklahoma?  she had genuinely good intentions, and she, like me, had had high hopes that this arrangement would work out.  i think it has been just as devastating for her as for me that it hasn't.  probably more so, because like i said, she's in the middle of it. 

when the tension finally got to a point that no one could ignore it anymore, Marty and i had a conversation over AIM from two different rooms in the house about it.  apparently, J is just extremely protective of Marty, both personally and financially.  she was apparently afraid that i was going to take enormous advantage of Marty's kindness, because it had happened before with some mutual online friend that they had let come stay with them for the summer.  she insisted that Marty and i both draw up and sign a rental agreement that laid out our landlord-tenant relationship and responsibilities.  i didn't really have a problem with that since such an agreement would be for the protection and benefit of the both of us, and not just Marty.  i've been burned by sharing apartments with friends as well.

also, Marty was able to confirm my suspicion that J does not want me here in their home, though not for the reasons i'd thought.  see, Marty and J have been together for about 4 years, and they have lived only in apartments together.  this is their first home together, as in their first house that they will actually own.  or rather, that Marty will actually own.  and J felt that she wanted it to be just theirs.  she wanted it to be their home.  and that i am intruding on that.  she apparently had told this to Marty, though i am not certain when.  but Marty said she told her in response that it was not her decision to make, whether or not i was allowed to come stay with them.  so... it does not even matter who i am, or how i behave or what my relationship with Marty is like.  J resented me before i even got here.

so now... i have to come home every night after a horrific day at work to a house where I know for certain, by one resident at least, i am not wanted. 

i was miserable in Oklahoma, but at least i was with people who love me.  i had friends, i had family, i had a circle of love around me that i readily gave up for... this.  one bedroom and one friend that i live with and cannot even talk to face to face, 3800 miles away from everything i know and everyone i love.

i sold everything i own, and despite working my ass off six days a week, i do not make enough to support myself here.  i can't move into an apartment of my own.  the cost of living is astronomical compared to Oklahoma, and the pay i get here is not that good when you take into account how expensive it is to actually live here.  even if i dd get an apartment, i'd have no furniture. 

i feel a little trapped.

at least i did.  i had a breakdown so bad one night that i could no longer bear it alone.  i tried to call my best friendMicah back in Oklahoma, but I could not get a hold of her, so i called my next best friend, my sister.  i didn't dare call my mother.  my mother, as much as i love her and as much as she loves me, is no good in situations like that.  she can't possibly tell me the things i need to hear when i need to hear them.  and i would rather hang from a tree than let her know how unhappy i am.  she has enough to worry about.  my sister Nadia, on the other hand, is well versed in situations like mine, having gone through it herself, at least in part, when she moved to Arkansas because she thought it would solve all her problems.  she talked me down from the ledge, so to speak, and she helped me see that i'm not as trapped as i was feeling.  and my friend Micah called me back eventually as well, and she got me laughing like only Micah can do.  i was able to release to them all the tension and emotions i'd been damming up, and it felt so good to just release t all.

i've stopped caring about being nice to J.  i'm still as courteous a tenant as i know how to be, but i no longer care if she likes me, or even respects me.  and that in itself may actually earn me some of that respect that i would have given my left eye for a month ago.  too bad i couldn't give two shits about it now. 

i'm considering what i want to do when this fucking job is over.  i will stick with it to the end of the season, which is the last week of September, but after that, i have to decide what i'm going to do.  i think i want to try to go to grad school.  i've always wanted to go to school in the pacific northwest, and now that i'm up here, and i'm as mobile as i'll ever be, this may be my chance.  i'm looking at schools in Washington and northern California.  i actually have family in Washington state that i could probably stay with for free while i either went to school, or saved enough money to get elsewhere.

at least i'd be wanted, and that's something.

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Words Mean Things. Huh.

Jun. 12th, 2010 | 12:52 pm

I stumbled across www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-6198284-503544.html, and it reminded me of the discussion going on in a thread: www.bigfatblog.com/against-sizism-weight-loss-how-does-it-relate-fa on BigFatBlog.com regarding the name of the FA movement and the power of words and the effect they have on the public at large (pun intended).  It's a poll in which people are asked if they support "gays and lesbians" serving in the military versus supporting "homosexuals" serving in the military. 

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation lays out the difference between those two descriptions in their media reference guide:

<blockquote>The Associated Press, The New York Times and The Washington Post all restrict usage of the term "homosexual" -- a word whose clinical history and pejorative connotations are routinely exploited by anti-gay extremists to suggest that lesbians and gay men are somehow diseased or psychologically/emotionally disordered, and which, as The Washington Post notes, "can be seen as a slur."</blockquote>

It's true that some words carry a lot of extra baggage, and this is a problem within all groups of people.  People argue over what words to use, who can use them, when they can use them, when they can't use them...  and this is an issue for all groups of people.  As fat people, we're trying to take back the word "fat," change it's connotation from something awful and derogatory, and use it to describe ourselves in a way that is empowering and a common ground for identity.  But understanding the denotative meaning of the word fat and trying to attach a whole new connotation to it is hard, and it will take a long time.  Years, probably decades.  The word "gay" had become generally accepted to mean "homosexual" by the 1950s, but it took upward toward 30-40 years for homosexuals to take control of the word and use it as an empowering term and a source of identity.  I'm not sure how they did it, but it wasn't from shying away from using the word.

I don't think we should shy away from using the word "fat" if we ever want the straights (haha, see what I did thar?) to come to accept us as humans who are not broken.  The only way we're going to desensitize people to the word and change its connotation is through exposure, repetition, and usage in a way that is positive. 

As for what I think about the name of the movement, I like the word "fat."  I am just beginning to identify comfortably with it.  It feels good to me, to be able to say "I'm fat" and not cringe afterward.  There are elements of all the smaller sub-movements that I like.  I like elements of HAES because I believe that health is important, and every person should do what is best for their own personal health, and no one but that person can tell them what that is.  Mental health is a huge part of it, too, not just physical health.  Health, to me, is doing what makes you feel good.  It is your body, and you can do whatever you want to it, knowing that you will have to live with the consequence later, and knowing that what you do to your body should not affect anyone else.  It's your house.  Decorate it, change it, paint it, reshape it, whatever you want. 

I also like Fat Acceptance, obviously, because it focuses more around social justice.  I, for one, do not want special treatment, and I'm not seeking it through FA.  I just want to be treated like everyone else.  I don't want there to be special seats on the airplanes that I will fit into, I want all the seats to be bigger.  I don't want segregation, I want inclusion.  I want fat people to be just one more kind of people. 

But I also like Size Acceptance because it does generate that "inclusion" that I like.  It is, however, a little more ambiguous.  It's a little more P.C.  It's less likely to get the same reaction as Fat acceptance.  Size acceptance, to me, is more about people of all sizes working and living together.  It seems more about harmony than radical change.  SA is like... FA Lite.  But that's just me and how I see it, and that, once again, is the power of words.

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Fucking Hellacious Two Weeks.

Jun. 3rd, 2010 | 10:34 pm

i'm exhausted.  i don't even know how many hours i worked this pay period.  bus drivers keep a log book of the hours that they are actively driving, because if you have a CDL, you cannot drive more than 80 hours in 8 days.

if you're a van driver, you don't need a CDL.  thus, i do not have the luxury of telling Dispatch, "No, I can't do that extra tour, I'm out of hours."

i feel like i've been lied to.  when i took the job, i was told "40 hours a week, and overtime is a possibility."  i've gone from barely working at all to working anywhere from 8 to 14 hours, six days a week.  most businesses here aren't even open for 14 hours. 

this past Sunday, i was scheduled to come in at 1:30 p.m.  i thought, "great!  sleep in, have an easy day.  even if i work all day till late, it will still only be an eight or nine hour day."  i got in to work and my first duty was to return some guests from a tour venue to their boat  i mentioned this to a fellow driver, and it turned out that she had been the one scheduled to take that group out, but it had been canceled.  okay... so i looked at my next duty, which wasn't until 5:30 that evening.  so, i'd basically come in 4 hours early for nothing.  had they thought to call me?  no.  so i went home, which is no short drive.  i live about 20 minutes away from work.  there isn't really any place to hang out around downtown for four hours without spending money, so i just made the commute back home.  it didn't occur to me till later that i should have clocked in and then gone home.

several of the girls (all but one of them are girls) in Dispatch are new to the job, and not only that, but some of them have never been drivers, so they have no idea what they're doing to us.  more than once, i've been scheduled to work late, till after nine, then scheduled to come in the next morning at six or seven a.m.  which means that after i drop off my last tour at, say nine sharp, i drive back to base (arbitrary 5 min), fuel up (4 - 6 min), let the wash crew attack my dirty, bug-splattered vehicle with soap and hoses (5 - 7 min), park, do my post-trip vehicle inspection, and complete my paperwork (5 min), it's at least 9:20.  then i clock out and make the 20 minute drive home, and it's at least 9:40 by the time i walk through the door.  even if i went to bed directly, if i have to get up at 4:30 a.m. to make sure i'm on time for work at 6 a.m., i'm already going to get less than seven hours sleep.  and i can't do that anyway.  i have to eat something and wind down.  sometimes i have to wash my single work shirt and pants i have, and that takes at least 45 minutes... *sigh*

Tuesday, i was so tired by the end of the day, i made two really big mistakes.  after my last duty, i radioed to say i was finished my with my schedule and was going to come on back to the yard unless they had anything for me to do--and i'm going to segue for a second and say that i hate that.  when you're done with your duties, but you have to radio in and tell them that in case they have anything else to tack onto your schedule that needs doing before you come back to the yard for the day.  they asked me to go pick up a group at one venue, but because i was so tired, i went to the wrong venue and by the time i realized it, it was too late to get to the right place.  then on the way back, i was driving through downtown, which is littered with crosswalks.  some of them have cross guards, but most don't.  and tourists will just step out in front of your vehicle in these crosswalks.  there is one particularly infamous crosswalk where the road not only curves and hides potential pedestrians in the blind spot created by my huge van side mirror, but there is also a left-turn-only lane right before this crosswalk, so cars stop there in the left lane to make left hand turns and COMPLETE LY HIDE pedestrians until they step out from behind these left-turning vehicles  and walk out right in front of me.  this i what happened Tuesday night, and because i was so tired and i was in "get back to the yard and go home" mode, i was not focused at all.  i nearly flattened a guy who was walking in front of the large van that was in the left turn lane.  had he taken a couple more steps, enough so that he came out in front of me, i would have hit him, because i didn't see him, and i was so tired that i hadn't thought to cut my speed in case there might be a pedestrian there.

i didn't tell Dispatch about that one, but i probably should have.  maybe then they would not have scheduled me at 6 a.m. the next day.

Tuesday i worked 6:30 a.m.  to 5:45 p.m.  then Wednesday i worked 6 a.m. till 7:30 p.m.  then Wednesday night when i looked at the schedule for Thursday and saw i had to be at work at 7 a.m., i went to see Dispatch to see if they could possibly get that duty covered so i could come in a little later.  but i didn't get very far into my request before i broke down and cried.  i broke down in front of the Dispatch manager from frustration and exhaustion.

she was extremely understanding and she even hugged me and promised that she would get that early duty covered so i could come in at 10:30 instead.  she also said that we're getting more drivers in next week, and while they are bus drivers and not van drivers, it should still help alleviate some of the long hours for everybody.  we'll see. 

i do guess my tears were effective, if embarrassing.  today i came in at 10:30 and only worked till 6:20, an 8 hour day during which i only made four runs.  and because we only have one ship in tomorrow, i get the day off.  sort off.  we have a moose meeting at 11 a.m. (M.O.O.S.E.  My Ownership Of Service Excellence.  wonder how long it took them to come up with that one.)  so even on my day off, i have to make the stupid drive to work and back.  ugh. 

at least my direct deposit is set up and i get paid tomorrow.  so i'll finally get to see the rewards of my hard work in terms of cash.  even if i'll have to give half of it or more to my friend for rent. 

btw, if you ever take a cruise (within the U.S.), then take a tour someplace and you have to take a van or a bus to get there, for goodness sake, tip your driver.  we work very hard to make your vacation experience as smooth and pleasant as possible.  even if you can only spare a buck, that means so much to us.  it helps us feel appreciated and it helps balance out shitty days when we can go home with a small bit of cash in our pockets, even if it's only enough to buy a cup of coffee the next morning.

p.s.) it's no longer her birthday in her time zone, but it still is in Alaska.  happy birthday, naamah_darling . <3

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Tie my handlebars to the stars

Feb. 28th, 2010 | 05:47 am

things are rolling right along with my plans for Alaska.  i got my tax refund back and i got back over nine hundred dollars!  that, along with my last check from my crap job should just about cover the drive from here to Juneau.

i've also been applying to jobs up there this week.  i applied to some tourism companies, and one of those was for a tour van driver job with Princess Cruises.  Marty worked for these people last summer part time, and so i put her name down on my application as my source for how i heard about the job.  and two days later, i got an email back!  so i may have a job waiting for me when i get there.  that would be fucken sweet, srsly.  i don't even care what kind of job it is.  having a crap job there is infinitely more appealing that keeping my crap job here.

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for a good time, text 867-5309

Feb. 27th, 2010 | 02:32 am

Unsugarcoated: o3o

SmutShammy: =3=

Unsugarcoated: so i have a really funny story.

SmutShammy: Lol i'm very excited already

Unsugarcoated: Monday, some random person texted me with a simple "Sup". no idea whwo this person was. not in my contact list.

Unsugarcoated: so i replied, "i'm getting sick. who is this?" and they just responded, "Sick how?" did not tell me who it was, so i didn't reply and just forgot about it.

Unsugarcoated: but tonight, i got another text from the same number, saying simply, "Hey."

SmutShammy: fffwtf

Unsugarcoated: i replied, "Who is this?" and they responded with "Chris, who do you think?" (i am cleaning up their text-ese)

SmutShammy: lawl kay

Unsugarcoated: and i know two chrises, but i do not talk to them with any sort of regularity. so i knew it wasn't either of them. so i replied, "I think a booty call gave you a fake number, honey. I don't know a Chris." and he replied, "Haha, you funny, you my booty call."

SmutShammy: LMAO waaaat?XD

Unsugarcoated: so, as Dave and i were getting a huge laugh over this, i replied, "Yeah, I am funny. But I'm also serious. I don't know you." and he responds with, "Then who is this?" and i texted back my first name, and he says, "You fucking with me?"

SmutShammy: Looooool XD

Unsugarcoated: XD i was like, "I kid you not." and he texts back, "Well Sarah how you doding?" and i'm like fff srsly?? so i said, "Trying to have dinner with my boyfriend. Have a good one."

SmutShammy: LOOOOL XDD

Unsugarcoated: we giggled over it a while, and then he texts AGAIN, and says, "Well this sucks." i didn't reply, and he waits a while and texts me AGAIN, saying, "How long you been with him?"

SmutShammy: Amg REALLY!? Text hook up??? XD

Unsugarcoated: XDD right?? i didn't answer again, then after another while, he texts, "Sarah, what's your last name?" and i was like WHUT? so i texted back, "My last name is Leave Me Alone." and he has not replied, XD

SmutShammy: XDD that is fucking....hilarious/creepy/sad

Unsugarcoated: inorite?? XDD

SmutShammy: XDDD wow. i've neard stories about wrong numbers trying to do the "how you doin" thing, but damn. text?? XD

Unsugarcoated: so retarded. XD

Unsugarcoated: i should have given him a dude's name. XD

SmutShammy: LOL yeah you should have

Unsugarcoated: i should have been like, "Hi, I'm Josh."

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I could skate from Maine to Nebraska then on to Alaska

Dec. 18th, 2009 | 03:53 am
music: The Tip of the Iceburg, by Owl City

fact: i am 27 years old, and i have an absolute crap job. i am single, have no one to share rent and bills with, so this forced me to move back in with my parents this past May. which is BALLS. but i had no other options.

fact: there are no jobs in Tulsa that are not: a) in the military, b) in a financial group, c) in a hospital, or d) in restaurant management.

fact: my BA is in none of these fields.

fact: there are like two hundred freshly graduated people in exactly my predicament.

THEREFORE: i have no reason to stay in Oklahoma.

fact: i belong to an awesome message board that has allowed me to make a handful of very good friends all over the country.

fact: i was speaking to one of these good friends about my extremely lame situation, and with no hesitation whatsoever, she said, "Come stay in my spare room." at first, i was like, "haha, right, okay." but it turns out she was a hundred percent serious.

so, i slept on it for a night. i discussed it with my mom. then i decided... why not? i have absolutely no reason not to go. there is nothing keeping me here.

THEREFORE: in the spring, either late March or early April, i am going to go live with my friend Marty in a little place up north called Juneau, Alaska.

Marty will be flying down here in the spring, and then she and i will be driving back up to Alaska together, so we will be able to split travel costs. i'm excited about the road trip itself. it will be a six or seven day road trip, depending on how many hours we put in driving each day. just the driving time itself will be 77 hours and about 3,800 miles. we will take a diagonal route, northwest, and cities we will be passing through include: Wichita, Salina, Denver, Salt Lake City, Boise, an insignificant corner of Oregon, until we get to Ellensburg, Washington where an aunt of mine lives and has a greed to put us up for a night. so we'll have at least one night's free stay.

after that, friends and neighbors, we will continue on through Seattle, then up into British Columbia, CANADA. beauty, eh? through British Columbia, we'll head north till we hit Fort Nelson, then mosey in a northwesterly direction till we hook over into the very bottom of the Yukon, then we'll keep hooking till we descend into Alaska!

fact: there are no roads that go to Juneau. the only way to get there is by plane or by ferry. we'll take a ferry from Skagway, and ride that south through the canals for about seven hours until we reach Juneau.

fact: Juneau is pretty small, even compared to Tulsa, which is not that big. Tulsa, Oklahoma is about 400,000 people. Juneau is about 30,000 people. however, i have heard from a couple sources that the economy in Alaska is much better than it is here. there are always seasonal jobs, and Juneau does have a couple newspapers i could look into applying with. plus, Marty tells me that Juneau is actually a very eclectic, artsy community. downtown Juneau, where all the dirty hippies live, is full of bohemian shops and coffee spots.

Marty works for a nonprofit organization called Reach, Inc. that works with disabled kids and adults. she has informed me that this organization actually has an art department that runs a community art studio that is open to both the clients or Reach and the public. she knows the director of this studio, and has given me the director's email address. i am going to send this woman an introductory email with my resume attached and pray to god she hires me. for something. anything.

myth: Juneau is in Alaska and is therefore one giant glacier.

fact: Juneau is not even in a subarctic region. it is temperate there. it does get cold in the winter. it snows. i will need snow tires. but it also gets warm in the summer, but not sweltering hot like it does in Tulsa. you don't even know how excited i am to be moving to a place that only gets to be about 85 degrees F in the height of summer. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. Tulsa, you can keep your 100+ degree summer days. fuck that noise.

Marty says that Juneau's weather is similar to Seattle, actually. it rains a lot there, so it's very green. i love the rain. i adore it. i love cloudy, overcast skies. i really don't care much for the sun at all. speaking of the sun, that leads us to our next myth!

myth: Juneau is in Alaska and therefore is dark twenty four hours a day in the winter.

fact: Juneau, as mentioned before, is not even subarctic. in the winter, they get up to 15 hours of darkness, but that leaves nine hours of daylight. more than enough for me. in the summer, they have up to 18 hours of daylight, and about six hours of darkness. therefore, everyone owns blackout curtains. fine by me.

so. i've got just a little over three months to raise some serious dough. my income taxes will help a lot, and i'm going to have a garage sale. i don't want to, but i will dip into selling some My Little Ponies if i have to. except Ice Crystal. i will live on the street and sell my body for sammiches before i sell Ice Crystal.

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tis the season.

Dec. 9th, 2009 | 09:29 pm

season's greeting, everybody.

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